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Impatient in the Process
Fiona Keller • July 26, 2020
The heart of the journey
Well hello there! How are you? Would you like to come in? I can pour us some lemonade and I’m sure I’ve got some cake stashed around here somewhere. That is, if my kids haven’t eaten it all. Ooh I could just eat a scrumptious piece of chocolate cake. What’s your favourite? Carrot? Lemon? Coffee? Ginger? It’s almost hard to wait long enough to get the cake onto the plate before taking a giant bite!
Have you ever just felt so impatient? When I look around me, I see so many processes that require patience, so many things where I’d like to have reached the finish line. Can I see some results already? Do I have to keep waiting? Why is it taking so long? It’s everything really. Impatience in the process of shifting that baby weight, getting started can be just the worst. I’m not sure how much the cake is helping! Impatience in that job interview process. In waiting for test results. In waiting for other people - to do just about anything really, you know what I mean? That car in front of you, it’s just moving a little too slowly. Impatient to get there. Wherever ‘there’ is. That queue in the shop. I’m sorry to all the people who have stood behind me in the check-out line of a supermarket, patience of saints is required while I unload my shopping! What about impatience trying to save up for that special trip? Impatiently waiting for a reply from a business, a university, a loved one. Impatience in cleaning my house. I just want it to be finished, preferably before I’ve started. I don’t want to have to go through the process. I don’t want to start the project and think it’s going to be short only to find out it’s going to take way longer than I anticipated, like when I decide to deep clean something. Why did I ever start? So I definitely experience impatience in the process of home renovations! Never do I long for a magic wand more than when I’m faced with some DIY project that will involve long hours, sweat, inconveniences, hiccups and unforeseen issues. Oh for it to just fix itself.
Well and then there’s life. Apparently it’s like a box of chocolates - at least according to Forrest Gump*. I’m inclined to think it’s a lot like that never-ending renovation. The process of changing things, of peeling back layers to uncover something unpleasant underneath. Examining, pondering the next best move to make. Like a dance. Though less elegant! Step forward, step to the left, do a little turn, slide back, step forward again. What do we do with this new thing before us? Is there a treasure to be found or is what I find destined for the rubbish heap? The discard pile? Can we restore it or must we replace it with something, new, something different, something better? More choices, more decisions. More process. Oh how I can become so discontent in the process of doing anything really, especially when the finish line seems a long way off or out of view or when the goal posts seem to move. Despondency, frustration and immense impatience. Lord, I’ve had quite enough of learning lessons now. Can we call this done? Do I really have to go through a lifelong refinement process? Do you have some short-cuts around here? You know, ones where I can learn the life lessons without the process? Do we really have to look into that crevice, wouldn’t a bit of plaster on top of it be ok, you know, just smooth out the surface and I’d be just fine?
In my heart, I know the answers to the questions. Truth be told, there is much to be learned in the process of living, as there is much to be learned in any process, doing anything. We learn our limitations, the limitations of others, pitfalls, better ways of doing things and handling situations that arise. We learn to give and receive grace. This, I find, is not easily learned nor quickly. We learn to encourage and to be encouraged. To hope and to offer hope. We can acknowledge our strengths and weaknesses. Something, perhaps more easily done with age and experience. Our need for a Saviour, a rescuer, a guiding light, becomes more and more apparent. We take off our lenses of self-righteousness, of judgement, of guilt, of anger, of fear, of greed, of envy and entitlement. Instead clothing ourselves in the robes of long-suffering and perseverance. In ribbons of gentleness and self-control. In jewels of kindness, humility and forgiveness - for ourselves and toward others.
Oh but that impatience! It still comes. Sometimes storming in with indignation, sometimes skulking in round a corner with mutterings under its breath. Even when we know where we’re heading, when we know the destination of our journey, the goal of our project, the purpose, it doesn't always take away the waves of impatience that come. Maybe, that’s in part because we recognise our own imperfect humanity. As we realise that we are only capable of getting so far by ourselves, of doing superficial patch jobs to smooth the surface. We despair at ourselves and our circumstances. We want to ‘get the job done’ on our timeline, in our way. But, maybe in the process we realise our absolute reliance on Someone so far above and beyond our capabilities. We ultimately have the opportunity to acknowledge these things about ourselves and to be prepared to let go of control. It’s hard.
I find myself wondering what to do, when impatience with the process starts to settle in.I suppose that acknowledging it, is a starting place. Acknowledging it to myself and then taking time to talk it through with trusted friends. People who I know will speak truth and will encourage. But beyond that, I’m pretty sure that talking it through with God is a good place to go to. It’s not that He doesn’t already know, He does. It’s just that communication is at the heart of any relationship and our relationship with God is no different. In talking it through with Him, maybe we’ll be given a new perspective, maybe we’ll be given strength to endure, energy for the next leg of the journey, peace in the waiting and patience in the process.
*Forrest Gump 1994 Paramount Pictures
Father, I thank You for these man-made shells, which become our homes as they fill with noise and laughter, silence and tears, memories and hopes. I thank You for their protection, for the safety found within. I thank You for the life that grows surrounded by these walls; a place we make our own. Amen
When complaints often come easier than thanksgiving - I thank you Father for these dishes, which signify food and drink aplenty. I thank You for each mouth that partook of meals together. Amen
Mercy, peace and love be yours in abundance. Jude 1:2 Most gracious and loving Heavenly Father, I thank You for You have sustained me through this school year. I thank You for Your provision of strength and energy even on the hardest of days. I thank You for walking with me on the mountain tops: the moments of joy, the times of bonding and fellowship, the times when the learning and the teaching came easily. I thank You for journeying with me through the valleys. On the days I wanted to give up. During times of frustration and grumblings. On the days when learning was hard and teaching even harder. I thank You that I never left the shadow of Your wings and that You have seen me, valued me and noticed me as I have sought to lead and serve my family in this way. Lord, we are nearing the end of this season and oftentimes feel the increasing need for rest, for reprieve and refueling. Some days Lord, it feels like summer will never come. And yet some days time flies and I become aware again of the limited time I have with these dear ones whom I am not only tasked with teaching, but also with parenting and loving. Father, it is my desire to finish well. That we will not succumb to wishing away the time together, nor give in to half-hearted efforts put forth. Help us to find balance between being present in the here and now and thinking ahead to plans for the summer and next school year May You continue to be the source of my daily strength and joy. Remind me of my calling to teach during this season and equip me each day to face challenges with grace, love, humor and humility. Renew my spirit and uplift me as I seek to lead these children towards You, keeping my mind focused and my heart seeking You above all else. In Jesus' name Amen