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Living with Lemons
Fiona Keller • March 10, 2021
Well hello there friend. Please make yourself comfy. It’s good to catch up. I’m sitting down to talk to you after quite the week! It’s not what I had planned and whilst not horrendous, fortunately, it’s certainly made for some quick adjustments to our daily life. I have one word: Quarantine. It sort of conjures up images of animals being brought into a country from overseas. At least, that was the total of my experience of quarantine up until last week. Now we’ve lived through lock-downs and activity restrictions so far this last year, but the ‘don’t go anywhere, don’t see anyone, try to keep contaminated people separate from the rest of the family,’ well that’s a new one. We are lucky, unlike so many. So far, it’s not been bad. A couple of individuals with minor symptoms and the rest - nothing. At least not yet. I had not realised how long the quarantine restrictions were in this state, maybe everywhere I really don’t know, until the bombshell of the positive Covid test happened last week. Weeks of togetherness that I’m sure I should be treasuring. Lots of questions and really not many answers. No one can tell you who will get sick and how bad. No one knew how we’d come to have a positive case in our house either. We’d been so careful. We’d done due diligence and yet here we were facing a purgatory sentence with one another.
I’m going to be honest, I didn’t handle it terribly well. I was quite irritated that this inconvenience was landing in our laps. I had lots of practical concerns over the shopping, the earnings, the schooling. I oscillated between bouts of frustration and panic. Oh I knew God had it in control, but my mind was racing. I’d gone into survival mum mode and that switch would not turn off. I was mentally trying to figure out how to ‘get caught up’ with the washing and the cleaning in case I was the next to succumb to this brutally unpredictable illness. We had tears as I told the kids and my second oldest realised she’d be spending her birthday in quarantine. Last year’s celebrations had also been curtailed and amended. It was a trivial point in the scheme of the universe, but to her it was everything. We’re still hoping no one is actually ill on her birthday as we have tried to come up with ways to make the date special even though it’s just us - again. My reactions - and they were that - were coming off the back of sleepless nights, a teething baby, and my own frustratingly ongoing medical saga. I was done in and then Covid. Covid, no less with the one family member who ends up needing an inhaler and nebuliser anytime anything goes to their chest. I knew God was around here somewhere, but I wasn’t really feeling it. The daily rhythms that I’d just started to find again after the fog of postnatal of depression had begun to lift, were rudely interrupted and cast aside, as I had no idea how to find time or space for quiet in the house of never-ending noise. I love my family. I just didn’t know if I could love them enough through this and save my sanity at the same time.
I’d love to say that a week in we’ve figured this out. That I’ve found a rhythm and life has been one giant time of bonding and thriving. No, that’s not us. We’ve had rough days and meltdowns and pacing the floors like caged animals. I am so grateful that today, as I write this, the sun has been out and we’ve been outside. Warmth. At last. But we’re starting to settle. I’m starting to accept the endless grazing and dishes from having everyone at home. The increased workload that each day brings. But it’s OK. Lemons.
There’s the saying I’ve heard time and again, “when life gives you lemons, you just have to make lemonade.” I think there is truth in this. We have definitely had our lemonade moments. I have watched my oldest take on caring for a younger sibling in a selfless, loving, servant-hearted way. I was so proud to watch it unfold and it makes up for so much of the smart-mouthing phase of life we are in right now. We have watched movies and baked cookies and read books and made up stories. We have bounced on the trampoline and played flashlight tag. Yes, we’ve had our moments of lemonade and they have been good. Very good. But honestly, the rest of the time we are just living with lemons. Sometimes, I think life is like that.
We want to make the best of things and indeed we even try to do that at times, but I think there are times that we just have to be OK with being in a place of living with the hard, the tough and the challenging. Sometimes we have to live with mundane and mediocre - and sometimes those things are the best that life is going to get at that time. Sometimes, we just have to hold the lemons in our hands and acknowledge that they are there. We don’t always have to have a perfect solution to the trials that we face. We don’t always have to travel through the valleys with grace - although that would be ideal. We don’t always have to have answers or reasons or understanding for why things are the way they are. Sometimes this is just life and we just have to hold onto those lemons and let them be part of our life. Yes, I know that sounds strange.
The funny thing with lemons though, is that though they are bitter to the taste, they are beautiful to look at and the scent can be refreshing. I start to wonder if, when I stop trying to make lemonade all the time and start to accept that those lemons may sit in the bowl on my counter for quite a while, I can nevertheless find the beauty. I’m not saying that tragic events and hardships have some sort of silver lining. Sometimes they just don’t. In fact, probably mostly they just don’t. But I do know that there is a redemption story that is at work in my life, no matter what is going on. So, I do know that there will continue to be moments of making lemonade. I do know that when I sit and look at those lemons, I mean really look, I will start to see just where that beautiful yellow sunshiny colour has been the whole time. God hasn’t gone anywhere. So that means that in the midst of living with lemons He is continuing to weave a redemption story. He is continuing to refine, continuing to uphold, continuing to encourage, to bring peace, to provide. It doesn’t mean that the circumstances have changed. It doesn’t mean that the outcome will be any different. It just means that God is as busy working while the lemons sit there as He is when I’m squeezing them like crazy to make lemonade. And if God will live with me and my lemons, then I’m starting to think that maybe being in this place is OK.
Father, I thank You for these man-made shells, which become our homes as they fill with noise and laughter, silence and tears, memories and hopes. I thank You for their protection, for the safety found within. I thank You for the life that grows surrounded by these walls; a place we make our own. Amen
When complaints often come easier than thanksgiving - I thank you Father for these dishes, which signify food and drink aplenty. I thank You for each mouth that partook of meals together. Amen
Mercy, peace and love be yours in abundance. Jude 1:2 Most gracious and loving Heavenly Father, I thank You for You have sustained me through this school year. I thank You for Your provision of strength and energy even on the hardest of days. I thank You for walking with me on the mountain tops: the moments of joy, the times of bonding and fellowship, the times when the learning and the teaching came easily. I thank You for journeying with me through the valleys. On the days I wanted to give up. During times of frustration and grumblings. On the days when learning was hard and teaching even harder. I thank You that I never left the shadow of Your wings and that You have seen me, valued me and noticed me as I have sought to lead and serve my family in this way. Lord, we are nearing the end of this season and oftentimes feel the increasing need for rest, for reprieve and refueling. Some days Lord, it feels like summer will never come. And yet some days time flies and I become aware again of the limited time I have with these dear ones whom I am not only tasked with teaching, but also with parenting and loving. Father, it is my desire to finish well. That we will not succumb to wishing away the time together, nor give in to half-hearted efforts put forth. Help us to find balance between being present in the here and now and thinking ahead to plans for the summer and next school year May You continue to be the source of my daily strength and joy. Remind me of my calling to teach during this season and equip me each day to face challenges with grace, love, humor and humility. Renew my spirit and uplift me as I seek to lead these children towards You, keeping my mind focused and my heart seeking You above all else. In Jesus' name Amen