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Fiona Keller • September 30, 2020
Truth Speaks
Hello there friend. How are you? Want to join me at the table, pour a cup of tea and share a plate of biscuits? Or maybe your vice is coffee?! I’ve been pondering some thoughts since an appointment I had the other day. I thought I'd share them. I was laying on the table at a physio appointment as my therapist continued the arduous task of trying to mend this broken mama body and I found myself apologising for the state of my food smeared clothes. The baby treats that had been affectionately wiped across my shirt through the course of the appointment. Yes, there was a tiny human in my appointment too. We laughed over how I had to venture out into the world looking like this - not ideal when your next stop is not home. But it is something that I’m used to. Dirty clothes. It’s just the season I am in, I’ve learned to accept it even though I don’t particularly like it. This all consuming life that demands a lot. Where being clean lasts all of 5 minutes in the morning and getting clean usually involves ‘help.’ Where thinking space is non-existent and quiet is a concept that evades you. Where personal space is an unknown term. Motherhood.
In the midst of this, do you ever feel like you’ve lost yourself? There’s no other job that can leave you feeling so unsure of yourself. So nervous, so desperate, so exhausted. So lacking, talent-less and gift-less. That can make you examine yourself to the deepest level. There’s also no job that can make you feel so important. So essential, so needed and valued. No job that can teach you so much about yourself and teach you so many new skills. It’s an art form within its own right and requires versatility, adaptability and creativity to survive. It’s the greatest of gifts and the greatest of demands. The greatest of pleasures and the greatest of heartaches. A job where there are no certificates for mothering accomplishments, no accolades and awards, no cheering crowds, no letters of distinction after your name. Though really, maybe there should be.
I have to confess to struggling through a time when words don’t flow freely. When this desire in my heart to write seems to have been somewhat stifled and feelings of inadequacy have crept in. Where this sense of being ‘less than’ has been filling my spirit. Notions of not being enough, of being unlovable, of failing, of having no purpose, no gifts or talents. I know they are not true. Yet somehow these feelings seem to dig their pokey little fingers and settle beneath the surface of my skin. Spewing lies. Self-condemnation. Defeat. Oh enemy of my soul, how you know where to hit. How to rattle confidence. Sometimes I think that our enemy likes to give us the one-two punch. Hit us where it hurts the most and really set off our anxiety or fear. Those things that can cripple us in a single blow. But sometimes it’s more subtle. The slow drip, drip, drip of negativity. Little nudges of ‘you’re just not any good,’ ‘no one could love that.’ These thoughts are slippery. They gain ground because the drip drip just continues like a leaky old tap. You think you can tighten the handle enough to stop the drip but the reality is that you can never tighten it enough. You need a plumber to come in and really fix the problem, replace the faulty parts and then tighten things up.
Our souls are a bit like that, don’t you think? We need the Master plumber to come in and root out those faulty joins. Rid us of those niggling thoughts and feelings and replace them with trustworthy truth. Truth that will build us up and encourage us. Truth that tells us how much we are loved and how much we are worth. Truth that reminds us that we don’t have to meet an invisible bar of perfection in any area of our life. Truth that tells us that what He calls us to do, He will equip us to do. That we don’t have to have the skills now for the things He will ask of us in the future. Truth that declares my mistakes can be forgiven and doesn’t expect or ask perfection. Just a humble, mold-able, willing Spirit.
Dear friend, hear me now. It is so easy to succumb to these feelings and thoughts of being ‘less than’ and of having nothing to offer the world. But it just isn’t true. Each and every one us, uniquely created, was given talents and gifts that are worth something. Sometimes those might be visible to the world outside and sometimes not. Sometimes they are secretly woven into the fabric of your being. Being used all the time and shared with those around you through the art of subtlety and gentleness. Did you know, friend that your quiet words and gentle touch...those are gifts? To your friends, to your family, to God’s kingdom. There is work that only you can do for His kingdom with those skills, gifts and talents that you have. Did you know, friend, that your lovable, loud and boisterous personality that bubbles up laughter and brings joy into rooms - that my friend is a gift? It draws people to you and fills them up. Did you know, friend, that your attention to detail and your dedication to cleaning your house for the benefit of your family - those are gifts? God sees your hard work, even when it feels like no one else does - did you know that when you welcome people in, they feel at home? That you notice the little details and make their time with you uplifting and enjoyable? Their needs met? Did you know, friend, that your creative, impulsive spirit, that leaves your house a lovable disaster zone, is a gift? Your ability to embrace the moment, to create memories and try new things? Those are gifts - to your family and friends. Did you know that no one notices the mess, because when they are with you, you draw them along for the ride to just experience life and focus on relationship?
Oh my fellow sisters, we live in a hard, hard world. And frankly, I doubt it’s going to get easier any time soon. We are surrounded by negativity. We are surrounded by a list of things we ‘should’ be and yet will never be. In a world of brokenness, unless we put up our shield and set our eyes upon Truth, we are on course to flounder. Here’s the thing. We don’t have to get through this alone. God made us for each other. This week, God has reminded me of this as He sent two lovely women to love on me through words and actions. He heard my struggles and sent me tangible reminders that I am loved, that I am precious, that I am doing OK.
Ladies, we have a job to do. Let us be our sisters-in Christ’s biggest cheerleaders. Oh friend, find your cheerleaders and surround yourself with them. They will hold you up, encourage you and hold you accountable. May we know more of ourselves and more of God as we see ourselves through the lenses of others. Let us be the best encouragement to that neighbour down the street. Let us love each other in our words and actions. Let us build each other up, in a world that wants to tear down. Let us bridge our differences in serving one another and praying for each other. Let us drop off a coffee ‘just because’ or fold someone else’s laundry. Let us drop a note in a mailbox that says - ‘you are loved.’ Let us pick a friend a day and pray blessings over them. Let us offer uplifting words to that worker in the supermarket. Let us wash the feet of that friend or neighbour who challenges every ideal we hold (literally or figuratively!)
Dear sisters. Why so downcast oh my soul? Words spoken before in the Psalms. They are not new to mankind. The medicine of course lays with our Saviour. But sometimes, that medicine is delivered through the words and actions of His people. Let us strive to do what we can to be a willing agent of peace, of encouragement, and identifier of the gifts in others - and then speak those out. Acknowledge them. Bless someone by uplifting them and highlighting the things that God has put into their lives that maybe they haven’t seen for themselves yet. Let us walk with the Spirit, allowing Him to reveal to us our own gifts as well as those of others. That we might see the Truth of who He created us to be. Let us be grateful that He weaves together these stories of our lives, intertwined as we grow together, allowing us to be part of His great redemption plan for humanity.
Encourage one another and build each other up. 1 Thessalonians 5:11
Dear sister, dear friend. On those days, or weeks or even months, when you feel as though you have nothing to offer this world, I am here to tell you, you do.
Father, I thank You for these man-made shells, which become our homes as they fill with noise and laughter, silence and tears, memories and hopes. I thank You for their protection, for the safety found within. I thank You for the life that grows surrounded by these walls; a place we make our own. Amen
When complaints often come easier than thanksgiving - I thank you Father for these dishes, which signify food and drink aplenty. I thank You for each mouth that partook of meals together. Amen
Mercy, peace and love be yours in abundance. Jude 1:2 Most gracious and loving Heavenly Father, I thank You for You have sustained me through this school year. I thank You for Your provision of strength and energy even on the hardest of days. I thank You for walking with me on the mountain tops: the moments of joy, the times of bonding and fellowship, the times when the learning and the teaching came easily. I thank You for journeying with me through the valleys. On the days I wanted to give up. During times of frustration and grumblings. On the days when learning was hard and teaching even harder. I thank You that I never left the shadow of Your wings and that You have seen me, valued me and noticed me as I have sought to lead and serve my family in this way. Lord, we are nearing the end of this season and oftentimes feel the increasing need for rest, for reprieve and refueling. Some days Lord, it feels like summer will never come. And yet some days time flies and I become aware again of the limited time I have with these dear ones whom I am not only tasked with teaching, but also with parenting and loving. Father, it is my desire to finish well. That we will not succumb to wishing away the time together, nor give in to half-hearted efforts put forth. Help us to find balance between being present in the here and now and thinking ahead to plans for the summer and next school year May You continue to be the source of my daily strength and joy. Remind me of my calling to teach during this season and equip me each day to face challenges with grace, love, humor and humility. Renew my spirit and uplift me as I seek to lead these children towards You, keeping my mind focused and my heart seeking You above all else. In Jesus' name Amen