The Swirling Tempest Within My Mind
Fiona Keller • August 25, 2020
Calm in the storm
Have you ever been so muddled in thought that you just can’t quite get out what it is that is swirling around in your mind? Well, welcome, dear friend, welcome. I am so blessed by your companionship. Blessed by the times you sit with me and give me space to process things. I wish I could say that our visit today would be coherent, ordered and filled with sense. I’m not sure that’s possible. My mind is just whirling all over the place. Hard to keep track of these flying thoughts. Some fleeting, gone before I can grasp them and some lingering, wanting, demanding my attention to unpack, to ponder and consider.
I find that my mind has been in this place for the last few weeks really. There’s just been such an overload of stimuli. Too many things to try to understand, too many decisions to make, too many tugs on my heart and soul. So many uncompromising convictions demanding action. My brain is worn out and grabbing at all these thoughts that just keep flitting by and my body is weary. It craves rest. It craves quiet. It craves a stillness of the voices and opinions around it.
Have you ever found yourself here? In a season that is just mentally, emotionally and spiritually challenging and exhausting? A season that makes you ask questions of the beliefs you hold. A season that demands introspection and reflection. A season that benefits from self-awareness and evaluation. A time when listening is of utmost importance and wisdom is often found in silence. A time of desperately wanting and needing to hear the voice of God. To be filled with His discernment. To be stretched and pulled and brought to the end of yourself. To a place where you have no answers. To a place where you have no rest.
But this I know: He is there. In the midst of the swirling tempest within our minds, He is there. When we feel stretched so thin, brought to the end of every skill set we have. He is there. Sometimes when our minds know no rest and our souls are a blur of feelings and convictions, it can be really hard to see Him, to hear His voice. But it can be found. The challenge, I find, comes in the how.
It’s not that long ago that I was talking to my prayer group about some of these swirling tempests and expressing how I hear so many views, opinions, ‘answers,’ directions. But my heart was longing to hear just one opinion. All the others didn’t matter much, because all I wanted was the direction of the One who knows me inside and out, who sees the bigger pictures and knows the better way. I was desperate to drown out all the distractions and noise and voices. But, who am I kidding, there’s little peace and quiet to be had here. At any given moment there’s someone calling my name, crawling on me, tugging on my arm, texting me questions (teenager in the house anyone?!) And oh, how I love these treasures entrusted to me. But quiet. Nope. Not really. Not unless you count that moment of silence as I lay on my bed and think I’ll just read a page before I sleep, only to awaken moments later to the thud of a book falling from my hands and landing on my face. On this occasion, I knew that I really only had one chance for quiet. Real solitude. It would be a drive: the drive to an appointment, with my hopefully-sleeping infant, in the back of the car. So I asked my group to pray. To cover me in prayer, that I would commune with God during this time and the voices would be silenced.
I love prayer. I love how God brings others in on something for the benefit of each of us and to His glory. I love that God doesn’t require a church sanctuary or the earliest morning start before everyone else is up. He doesn’t need a wide open field or the sea shore (though those speak pure refreshment to my soul.) My dear beloved Lord, was more than happy to hop in the passenger seat and come along for my ride. He is so willing to take our smallest of offerings and lovingly accept them. I am so grateful. He doesn’t have to. He chooses to. My mind stopped swirling and the racing thoughts were replaced with calm and clarity of sight. The answers I sought didn’t come immediately - though in this instance, they did come that day. But, in those sacred moments, God and I enjoyed some time together. I marvel that He enjoys it too. That He isn’t put off by my scattered thoughts and jumping conversations. That He can so easily keep up with my flitting thoughts and that He can grab each one of them and pull them down to rest. Solace. Invariably finding these times of solitude is a challenge and sometimes my determination to find them is sorely lacking. I wish it wasn’t, because when I make the effort the beauty of the time spent together is unrivalled. But sometimes it requires creativity, maybe even a doubling up of goals. Prayer walking whilst pushing the buggy. Folding the washing and praying over the wearer of the clothes. Driving. Vacuuming, Cooking, weeding the garden. They may not be the most glamorous of locations. They may not always be completely silent. But I think with a little evaluation, we can probably all find some time for solitude with God. Some chances for the tempests of our minds to be brought under control. Snatching time where we can, but also intentionally carving out space for communion with Him. After all, without these things, there seems to me to be little chance of taming the tempest and bringing calm to the storm.
Father, I thank You for these man-made shells, which become our homes as they fill with noise and laughter, silence and tears, memories and hopes. I thank You for their protection, for the safety found within. I thank You for the life that grows surrounded by these walls; a place we make our own. Amen
When complaints often come easier than thanksgiving - I thank you Father for these dishes, which signify food and drink aplenty. I thank You for each mouth that partook of meals together. Amen
Mercy, peace and love be yours in abundance. Jude 1:2 Most gracious and loving Heavenly Father, I thank You for You have sustained me through this school year. I thank You for Your provision of strength and energy even on the hardest of days. I thank You for walking with me on the mountain tops: the moments of joy, the times of bonding and fellowship, the times when the learning and the teaching came easily. I thank You for journeying with me through the valleys. On the days I wanted to give up. During times of frustration and grumblings. On the days when learning was hard and teaching even harder. I thank You that I never left the shadow of Your wings and that You have seen me, valued me and noticed me as I have sought to lead and serve my family in this way. Lord, we are nearing the end of this season and oftentimes feel the increasing need for rest, for reprieve and refueling. Some days Lord, it feels like summer will never come. And yet some days time flies and I become aware again of the limited time I have with these dear ones whom I am not only tasked with teaching, but also with parenting and loving. Father, it is my desire to finish well. That we will not succumb to wishing away the time together, nor give in to half-hearted efforts put forth. Help us to find balance between being present in the here and now and thinking ahead to plans for the summer and next school year May You continue to be the source of my daily strength and joy. Remind me of my calling to teach during this season and equip me each day to face challenges with grace, love, humor and humility. Renew my spirit and uplift me as I seek to lead these children towards You, keeping my mind focused and my heart seeking You above all else. In Jesus' name Amen